My Friend Died Today: A Tribute
I don't know how to process anything without writing about it. Today my friend passed away semi-unexpectedly. He was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and departed at 4:45 am this morning comfortably in his home with his wife.
I was supposed to be on an airplane to see him right now, but instead, I'm here at my dining table, with you, and my thoughts about how this life works.
His name was Joe.
The people you will love and who will love you will come in unexpected packages. We were an unlikely pair in every superficial sense. We met through work while I was a project manager deploying warehouse management systems around the country and internationally. Joe was a long-time over the road truck driver who used his industrial expertise to move into technical system configurations for the same company. He had a massive presence at 6'4,"somewhere north of 250 lbs. I am a small framed Asian lady. We lived in different states; our political views were different.
We were deployed to different states across the country and other parts of the world, namely South Korea, Taiwan, and Israel over several years. Hours and hours on international flights, in trains and automobiles will have anyone get to know another. We struggled to get our What's App to decipher the street signs of the local languages, pointed at pictures on overhead menus, and when both of us didn't want to sit down to dinner with other co-workers after a long ass day, Joe was absolutely down to find a gas station where we'd load up on bottled water and junk food to take to back to the hotels so we could go to our separate rooms and Skype with our partners for the rest of the night. He became a protective older brother to me, ensuring I was safe and looked after, no matter where we were in the world.
But it wasn't just about work. Joe was a man who loved his wife. I mean like, Noah-from-The-Notebook-loved-his-wife. I was inspired to see a tough (and often gruff) man always with two laptops open, or at least an iPad or phone active, with his wife on the screen for the entire day--the two going about their business together, always together, despite the physical distance and time zones between them. She was with us virtually in car rides, in hotel lobbies and foreign hallways, and Joe gave zero fucks when people looked at him sideways for it. It's funny how observing their relationship taught me a few things about how I could navigate my own relationship with a Honey who travelled for work a lot too.
I've read a few things about how time and proximity is what creates a bond between people. But I have spent more time and proximity with some family members and don't feel nearly as connected. This blood is thicker than water thing has been dead to me for a long time. Reflecting on my friendship with Joe, I know that what makes the difference in creating lasting connections is bringing your authentic self, like it or not, to the relationship day-in and day-out. The people who are meant to be will be.
Our last conversation - I'm grateful for it. We spoke over the phone while he was being transferred from hospice to home. He was clear in his speech, and despite him telling me why he was going home, there was that familiar warmth and jovial reassurance in his voice, just like I always knew him to be.
I will miss you, my friend, while I'm still stuck on this planet in a protein suit. I will see you down the road. Thankfully, then we won't be working, and I am happy you are free.
With love,
jazzie.
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